Anxiety and a Saint’s vision for Grace

jesus-prayer-09
And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.  Luke 22:44
I used to struggle a lot with anxiety and panic attacks and as I have grown closer to the Lord this issue subsided.  I actually no longer have panic attacks at all.  But here recently I have felt a resurgence of anxiety.  The happenings in the world are making me anxious.  It was making me feel as a failure, like I didn’t have enough trust in the Lord.  I talked to my sister and she told me I wasn’t a failure, but that I should pray for a quiet confidence in the Lord.  I actually decided to pray for a bold confidence.  And so this has been my prayer for the last week.  A prayer for bold confidence.
“Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” Ephesians 3:12
I went to visit my sister in Charlotte for Thanksgiving.  It was peaceful and fun.  My sister and I even spent time in adoration on Friday.  The anxious feeling left me.  On the way home on November, 28, from North Carolina, I was in the passenger seat of my car.  I was listening to Abide with me by Matt Maher, and there is a line in the song about “There in the night, Gethsemane, before the Cross, before the Nails, Overwhelmed, alone you prayed.”  And I realized that Christ in His humanity felt anxiety.  Anxiety at what was coming.  And that feeling this way in no way makes you a failure;because in His anxiety at what God was asking Him to do, he was about to perform the greatest gift to all mankind.  The greatest gift of love for us baring our sins and shame.
 
I prayed for bold confidence to carry whatever Cross is ahead,that I may do it with love.  At that moment, with my eyes closed, into my head popped the brightest vision.  It was the sun shining bright, and in front of it was a Golden Cross and a Golden M.  Then I saw two beating hearts linked together.  Since I was in the car I drew a very basic drawing of what I saw (without the bright colors I saw).
image shown to me
I felt as though the Lord told me, “She is the Queen of peace.  Their hearts beat in unison”.  I felt very peaceful.
 
Throughout all of these prayers I pray, I feel a constant tug toward Mary.  That she is the example.  That she is where safe harbor lays.
 
It wasn’t until I got home, I realized it was the feast of St. Catherine Laboure.  And that what I saw bore a very striking resemblance to the back of the Miraculous Medal.
 
miraculous medal
“O, Mary, conceived without sin, pray for those who have recourse to thee.”
As we await our Savior this advent season, let us remember, God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good.
 
A brief video on the story of St. Catherine Laboure can be found here.
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About veilofveronica

I am a mother and wife as well as an RCIA and Adult Faith Formation catechist at a parish in the south. I have 3 children and a great husband.
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10 Responses to Anxiety and a Saint’s vision for Grace

  1. Mick says:

    Amazing, Susan! I love the Miraculous Medal (in fact, my parish is–where I also went to grade school thirty years ago–is one of only two in the US named Queen of the Miraculous Medal). Your words and your vision dovetail very nicely with Anthony Mullen’s last piece, which Charlie Johnston posted on his own site last night. God bless!

  2. Whitney says:

    I, too have had this vision but with my heart in front the smallest and then the two behind and one cross through it with flames. I think it reinforces that we are soldiers of Christ here to defend and offer much sacrifice. May God continue to bless you abundantly. I have been wearing the miraculous medal for 18 years now but not living God’s will till the past year! Praise be to Jesus for his mercy!!

  3. Chris says:

    I love this.I will try to remember what you wrote during periods of anxiety…having quite a few of these lately. Thank you.

  4. JoyInTheLord says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. It’s time to wear my miraculous medal around my neck instead of hiding it in my wallet.

  5. I have also had little visions of 2 hearts side by side on a silver ring, like a commitment or engagement ring.

  6. Pingback: The Grace of Accepting Help | Veil of Veronica

  7. Judith says:

    Beautiful, Susan I like that – pray for bold confidence, a prayer for our times. It matches up well with today’s Psalm 27, “Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord”

  8. Pingback: Be in Communion | Veil of Veronica

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